12-14-08

First show last night, came home afterwards, thought about writing a reflection, but I was too intoxicated to write, and relatively wordless, overwhelmed with aching yearning. Last year I experimented with getting drunk by myself to write, but to pretty fruitless results. I guess the Bukowski and Hemingway method isn't for everyone.
I feel good about the show, and I sure had fun. Many friends sharing the night, drunken debauchery, probably shouldn’t have driven, but no one’s life was in danger. I drove slow. Amazing how I blanked on so many lyrics, barfed some inane syllables instead, the whole thing's on video tape, and I'm going to feel so insecure watching it. Vibe was good within the band, made a little loot, directly into the band fund. We all want to tour, record an album, sure make some t-shirts, I really don't give much of a fuck. Maybe we'll be marketable. Is there a market for spastic slop? My parents came, my dad so nervous about being in the big city at night, seedy types do congregate outside that bar. A couple of years ago I caught some older, bearded guys smoking crack in the alley, and another guy in a band we were playing with that night smoked some with them. I laughed how he snuck off, trying to hide what he was going to do, like we didn’t know. He played a sweet set that night.
I love performing live. The music puts me in such a trance. I'm not thinking, sometimes it really feels as if I am possessed. The lights are so bright, and shining right in my face, I can't see anything. I like to close my eyes. Sharing the energy of the eyes upon me. I'm even energized by those that turn their backs, for I can only see anything for about a half a second, until I spasm again, yeah it's thrilling up there, can't wait to work on some new shit. We thought about practicing today, and I was all for it, but my roommate and our drummer, didn't feel up to it, and I was totally okay with that. It's nice to not think about music for a day, sometimes a week's even better, I don't think I could go a month.
Didn't do much of anything, ate a burrito, bought some coffee filters, and indulged in the expensive coffee I bought, while I watched a football game with my roommate. I have a general disgust for the marketing profession, for I see marketing as using the emotions and insecurities of the audience against them in order for them to spend their money. D. Boon said it best," let the products sell themselves." I became especially agitated when they played the same Toyota commercial five times in less than ten minutes. If we have to sit through that shit, then at least give us some variety, don't be lazy. I don't know what I think is more pathetic retarded, anti-intellectual, sexist American commercials, or the deeper, more provocative British ones? At work they're showing the British Advertisement Awards, and I feel some shame for the people that worked on those commercials. If you're gonna make art, make art, not a commercial.